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Personal essays 

 
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How to Survive as a Freelancer 

This Format Magazine piece contains all the lessons, honesty, and humour I could muster about the often discouraging life of a freelancer.

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My Mom Grew Up in a Utopian Colony in Iowa

Atlas Obscura tell-all about my mother's unusual home town.  

 
 

This was originally written for The Butter -- a fiction series for the Toast (RIP) and edited by Roxane Gay.

HOW TO MAKE A RECREATIONAL WOMEN’S ICE HOCKEY LEAGUE

Ingredients:

1 neglected inner city ice rink
1 collective willing to administer the league for no pay
72 hockey players (see below)

Hockey players:
45 lesbians
12 people from rest of the LGBTQ spectrum
8 spaghetti girls (straight until wet)
6 heterosexual women
1 woman with frustratingly ambiguous sexuality

Divide hockey players into 6 separate teams until each mixture resembles optimal combination of ex-girlfriends, secret affairs, and unattainable straight women. Whisk in flirtatious spectators, patient referees, and passionate body contact.

Lightly brush on ice time at undesirable hours, threadbare hockey equipment, and belittlement from male relations, “it’s not, like, real ice hockey right?”

Bring everything to a boil at end-of-season party with inoffensive retro music, drunken confessions, and awkward small talk prompted by annual realization that all anyone actually has in common is organized competition inside a cold building.

*Spice up your garnish by replacing traditional plastic trophies with something practical, like durable picnic blankets*   

Serve with seemingly endless awards ceremony.

Freeze leftovers until next season.